Sometimes, I feel like a baby. Literally. My stomach hurts so bad, it feels like its on fire and I can't find a soul who understands how bad it hurts. Or how embarrassing it is when your stomach explodes in public and you're stuck trying to hide it. Such is the life of someone with IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome or IBS as its more commonly known can strike where ever and whenever it wants to and sometimes its driven by whatever is going on in your head.
There are some wonderful things going on in my life. There are mountains to cross. There a oceans to swim too. Whenever I get sick, I think of my mom. I wonder what she's doing. She leaves me messages even though I got her number blocked. I miss her. But I cannot afford to let her into my life. If I do, I'd lose NB. And I can't deal with that. Things are getting better between us and I can understand that its hard to love on someone who has covered themselves in spikes. My behavior and breakdowns are the equivalent of spikes. I'm fighting hard to shed them. To learn to love myself. I want to love myself. And biggest of all, I want to be loved. I want to have love and joy in my life. I am exhausted. I'm going to turn in for the night. Until next time..xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment