Sometimes, in my head, I wish for things that I know cannot happen for me. I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to be sad anymore. I would give anything to be able to love myself. Why do I have stupid good dreams where my expectations get raised? I don't want to think about good things happening for me. I don't want to think about miracles that I don't expect to come true. I don't want to reminded about them. I don't want to feel the exhiliarating feeling of being loved the way I've waiting for my whole life, when I know that I can't have it. I wish that no one saw my flaws. I wish he didn't see my flaws. I wish his family didn't see my flaws. I can't breathe anymore. I'm having an anxiety attack and there are no guranatees to the questions that I have. I will never get my wishes. I just have to accept that and move on. No one saw any flaws with his mom. She was perfect enough to marry finanacial risk and all. In my head, its something I lack. I can't put on the fake face long enough for anyone to be convinced that I'm ok. That I'm worthy. I just want to breathe. Please help me.
Xoxo
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