"She is literally the Polaroid of perfection. She has everything and she'll give it to you in a second. Looks can deceive. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She'll steal you away. Not just one day, one day, is an ordinary day. In her world, she's an ordinary girl." -Theme from TV's Clueless
I may not be popular, I may not be pretty and in the grand scheme of things I may not matter to anyone but I am a human being and I owe it to myself to love me. I owe it to myself to put a band-aid on my wounds and let them heal. I owe it to myself to let the past be in the past and the present my gift. I just can't get over how hard it is to watch everyone around me get married and have babies and have the family that I've waited my whole life to have. If NB's brother's SO gets her baby too, I'm positively going to scream. Why don't I deserve to be happy? I'm not getting any younger. I'm actually getting older. Every single freaking day. Why don't I deserve anything? I have to skip my birthday. I have to skip Christmas. I am afraid to find a job and at the same time I need a job that will make me feel better about myself. My brain feels like its on overload. Quitting depression pills is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it for the 15 year old me that was told she was ugly, had people look at her and go eww, the girl that was told she didn't deserve to be loved, ate her lunch in the bathroom in 9th grade, got locked in a bathroom by some bitch who thought it was funny to torment someone she didn't even know. This is for the girl that was made fun of for being poor, made fun of for being a nobody. This is for that girl who never in her wildest dreams thought that she would get her wishes to come true. There is a someday. There has to be or else there is nothing to hope for.
End of random rant about random crap.
xoxo
I may not be popular, I may not be pretty and in the grand scheme of things I may not matter to anyone but I am a human being and I owe it to myself to love me. I owe it to myself to put a band-aid on my wounds and let them heal. I owe it to myself to let the past be in the past and the present my gift. I just can't get over how hard it is to watch everyone around me get married and have babies and have the family that I've waited my whole life to have. If NB's brother's SO gets her baby too, I'm positively going to scream. Why don't I deserve to be happy? I'm not getting any younger. I'm actually getting older. Every single freaking day. Why don't I deserve anything? I have to skip my birthday. I have to skip Christmas. I am afraid to find a job and at the same time I need a job that will make me feel better about myself. My brain feels like its on overload. Quitting depression pills is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it for the 15 year old me that was told she was ugly, had people look at her and go eww, the girl that was told she didn't deserve to be loved, ate her lunch in the bathroom in 9th grade, got locked in a bathroom by some bitch who thought it was funny to torment someone she didn't even know. This is for the girl that was made fun of for being poor, made fun of for being a nobody. This is for that girl who never in her wildest dreams thought that she would get her wishes to come true. There is a someday. There has to be or else there is nothing to hope for.
End of random rant about random crap.
xoxo
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