I woke up this morning super sad and all I could think about is how much fun I had in Jacksonville. I used to go to movies. I used to do fun things. And here? I count every penny until my stomach burns. I don't sleep like a normal person anymore. I know I'm not supposed to allow anyone or anything to make me a victim, but right now I can't help it. Okay, wait maybe I can help it. But it is an easy pitfall to go careening into. I miss the fact that there was warmth and sunshine there. The weather had little to no bite to it. I must sound like a broken record.
How am I supposed to get over this? Why won't anyone hire me? Why am I so completely undesirable by Maryland standards? Maryland doesn't make me happy and I don't know if I can see myself spending the rest of my life here. There's only one small problem. NB lives here. And he likes it here and he is NEVER cold. I'm from the SOUTH....duh. It's almost like God says if you want this______, then you have to give up everything else that makes you happy. If you want everything else that makes you happy, then you have to give up NB. Pick. I just want to be happy but I don't think I will ever fit in anywhere. I am and will always be a freak. But I guess that being a freak is a not so bad after all.
How am I supposed to get over this? Why won't anyone hire me? Why am I so completely undesirable by Maryland standards? Maryland doesn't make me happy and I don't know if I can see myself spending the rest of my life here. There's only one small problem. NB lives here. And he likes it here and he is NEVER cold. I'm from the SOUTH....duh. It's almost like God says if you want this______, then you have to give up everything else that makes you happy. If you want everything else that makes you happy, then you have to give up NB. Pick. I just want to be happy but I don't think I will ever fit in anywhere. I am and will always be a freak. But I guess that being a freak is a not so bad after all.
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