I woke up feeling really really really sad today. I don't know why. I didn't sleep very well and I just feel all sorts of sad today. I keep looking at everyone else announcing their babies and weddings and I keep having this dumb thought that I'll never get the chance to share my news with anyone. I don't know if I will ever get there. Ever since I quit Cymbalta, I've had this awful rash from hell on my legs and bum. It's a withdrawal symptom. I just feel this crushing lonliness today and I don't know if I will be able to shake it. I see things for babies and little kids and it gets me going because a child's world is so innocent and so pure and I never had that.
I was abused a lot as a little kid and young adult. My dad was a manipulative......well you know. All I've ever wanted is to feel safe and feel loved. NB loves me. I know that. But I am too negative for him. I'm trying but its such a hard fight and I don't know if I will ever be okay. I just want to be accepted. I just want to be loved. I just want to have a few seconds of whimsy. I want to be able to look back at my childhood and not burst into tears.
I am not a freak. I am not worthless. I deserve to be happy too.
I was abused a lot as a little kid and young adult. My dad was a manipulative......well you know. All I've ever wanted is to feel safe and feel loved. NB loves me. I know that. But I am too negative for him. I'm trying but its such a hard fight and I don't know if I will ever be okay. I just want to be accepted. I just want to be loved. I just want to have a few seconds of whimsy. I want to be able to look back at my childhood and not burst into tears.
I am not a freak. I am not worthless. I deserve to be happy too.
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